Ok, so I've been off of Facebook for well over a month now. By "off of Facebook," I mean that I had my boyfriend change my account password, installed an application on my computer whereby the actual Facebook site is blocked, had my boyfriend password-protect said application, installed Facebook Mobile Texts for my phone so that I could update my status on the go/receive notifications when people comment on said mobile statuses. The mobile status updates are the only connection I have to Facebook at all whatsoever.
I'm doing this because I've grown to despise Facebook and the way it has changed my relationships with people and the way it utterly absorbs my time "keeping up with people." I just don't care that much, but I can't stop constantly keeping my News Feed updated, stalking people who I never talk to anymore, and participating in the endless meaningless activities that Facebook provides (and no, I don't mean Farmville). I much, much, MUCH prefer updating Facebook on the go, kind of like Twitter, and while I don't have access to what other people are saying unless they directly comment on my status, I've found that, when I'm not on Facebook, I just don't care. It's been refreshing, to say the least, to have such limited contact, and to have more time to do actual important things.
Anyway, it's been this way for, like, a month now. I've made it very clear in my Facebook blog and in that little "say something about yourself" box that I'M NOT HERE. I CAN'T SEE WHAT YOU POST. DON'T EVEN TRY. And yet, people are getting mad at me for "not replying to their messages," or "not responding to their wall posts," or whatever. Yep, there's a good reason for that - I can't see it. I WON'T see it. Not until Christmas vacation, at the earliest, when I'm going to allow myself back on. Even though I've made this abundantly clear, people just aren't paying attention.
It's little wonder why that is. It's because people don't actually take the time to look at your profile - they see what content of yours is being posted on the News Feed, and go from there. I wonder if people would go to my profile at all if I just quit posting via Fbook Mobile Texts. Probably not. Does it bother me? Not in the slightest, until they get mad at me for "not responding" when I'm not even ON. Just goes to show how little people actually care. Kind of like me.
I guess it's not all Facebook's fault - it's largely my own. I can't control myself/manage my time when it comes to Facebook. And that IS my problem. Maybe all of this sounds a tad cynical, but I'm just astounded more people aren't sick of the hypocrisy - "Omg, keep in touch with the people you never see!" Yeah, ok, there's merit in that, but counting on it to consistently keep in touch with the people you DO see all the time? to keep tabs on people you will likely never see again? COME ON. Does no one else think that this is unhealthy, to an extent? Does no one else think it a tidge egotistical?
Facebook has changed the face of communication and even has its own code of etiquette. I say, to Hell with it. I'm tired of my social life being dictated by my participation in Facebook. If that means not having a social life, fine, I have enough actual relationships in my life to keep afloat.
For a different perspective, I don't have a cell phone, and i dropped Facebook not because I used it too much, but because I didn't use it at all. What precipitated my withdrawal was the day that I completed my tenth pages of passwords, and realized that many of these passwords were to accounts that I didn't even use, so I dropped what amounted to two pages. I found during all this dropping that it's a hell of a lot easier to open many accounts than it is to close them. If a close option is there at all, it's hidden away so deep in the site that it's hard to find even if a site map is provided.
ReplyDeleteThe last experience that I had which was similar to yours was when I last changed my email address. I kept the old one open only because some sites insist on sending confirmation to your old address when you get a new address. Anyway, three years later, I was still getting mail at my old address from people I know. One woman, I had to give up on after notifying her for the tenth time that I had a new address.
Again, Snow, you prove yourself to be far braver than I. :) My cell phone is my fifth extremity. No questions asked, there.
ReplyDeleteI'm playing with the idea of dropping Facebook altogether. But then I'd lose all my pictures, all the things I've written that are saved on there, and you know, keeping up with my family that lives across the country is nice. Let's be real, we never talk any other way.
It is a marvelous invention - in theory. I just need to improve my practice of it. And/or just cut a shit ton of people out of it. More than likely it's a combination of both.
I don't even remember why I signed onto Facebook, but not long after I got friend requests from several distant relatives with whom I have no contact. I was fine with saying yes to their requests, but was surprised when they never wrote to me or--so far as I'm aware--read my blog. I surmised that all they really wanted was to run up their tally of "friends."
ReplyDeleteI don't know about being braver than you, although I'm probably cheaper than you, plus I don't like talking on the phone I already have. In fact, I rarely even answer it.
NEITHER DO I!!! That's why you're braver than me. You adhere to yourself and don't give a shit about all of...them.
ReplyDeleteBy "them" I mean 99.99999% of the world that doesn't give a shit about you. You focus on what/who matters.
I wish I could do that. I do try.
Actually, I grieve that I'm so poorly accepted, yet I can't allow myself to be accepted on any but my own terms.
ReplyDeleteWe're all poorly accepted. Most of us like to pretend we're not but those of us that can recognize it, accept it, and make the best of it are the ones that are blessed. Count yourself among them. Keep your spirits up and your head down.
ReplyDeleteI've known people who were well-liked because they were charismatic, but I'm not charismatic. I'm also challenged in that I think rather poorly of the human race. You might recall that Will Rogers said, "I've never met a man I didn't like." I believe that there really are such people, and I wish I were among them, but the truth is that most people bore me.
ReplyDeleteI just published a new post that includes a photo of me that Peggy took yesterday. Now, I'm about ready to go off to bed. Unfortunately, I've had quite a few narcotics today and am itching like crazy, which means that I'll also need to take a sleeping pill if I'm not to spend the next several hours scratching. Nightly nite. I wish I had something cheerier to say, but I'm darn nearly crosseyed with drugs and drowsiness.
Yeah it's easy to be pessimistic. Most people really do just suck. I work at a business retail store, and 80% of the people that walk through the door just aren't nice. Not necessarily because they're rude (although many are), but because they just don't want to make an effort.
ReplyDeleteIt had a big impact on me last summer when I was working full-time at a one-man store - then, it was a LOT worse, simply because I was by myself and business was notoriously slow. There was always at LEAST one overtly rude person, and it had a major effect on my day.
That summer built me into a pessimist when it comes to people - and it's had an effect on how I see most people that I actually know - my "friends" and so forth. Now there are very few people now that I'll bother with, and to be honest, I like it that way. It makes the important people, important.
And I do hope you feel better. I hate narcotics, specifically because they make me itch. Not a big fan of the "out of it" feeling either.
ReplyDeleteHi Jesse! I totally agree with Facebook. If you are into South Park you have to check out the episode that makes fun of Facebook. Its so true. I think it has permanently altered how we interact with other people. It takes away the human element of communication and allows people to drop some of their inhibitions that might normally prevent them from making some smug hurtful comment. I spend far less time on Facebook these days and use it more for a way to distribute pictures of the boys to close friends and family. I'm glad to see others are catching on to the sickness of Facebook.
ReplyDeleteHahaha that's one of my favorite TV shows EVER!! And that's up there on my list of favorite episodes.
ReplyDeleteI just need to learn how to NOT spend every second on Facebook - I know people that only check it like once a day or a couple of times a week...I wish I could do that. Before I locked myself out, whenever my computer was on, my Facebook was up.
Wow ... that's me.
ReplyDelete"Before I locked myself out, whenever my computer was on, my Facebook was up."
I need to get brave enough to do what you did ... Facebook is killing my GPA (and a lot of other things) and it's my fault.
-Hannah Gleiter
HANNAH!!!!
ReplyDeleteIt is sooooo awesome and random and wonderful to hear from you!!
I hope you are doing well - I feel you on the GPA thing. Are you still in Montana?
The key is like everything else in life whether it is alcohol, TV, Politics or anything else and that is when it is adversely effecting your life, it is bad. Keep the faith. Facebook can be a nice way to "keep up" with people who are far away or that you do not see on a regular basis. I think I log on 3-5 times a week for a 1/2 hour. If you are not on the front page of my news feed, you never happened. So far that works for me. See you on FB at Chrsitmas.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had the ability to just log on 3-5 times a week for half an hour. I don't. When Facebook is available to me, it is ever-present and permanently open on my computer. Even if it's just in the background (which it rarely is), that is harmful to my grades and, to an extent, my friendships. I want to stay on people's radar (and keep my account from automatically closing), which is why I have the Twitter-like Mobile connection, but I can't be stalking people and keeping my news feed updated and refreshed. It's not healthy for me. This is the only way to ensure keeping up my GPA (which is slipping anyway for reasons all its own) and keeping a clear conscience. People bitch all the time about how Fbook takes up all of their time, and I'm the one actually doing something about it. And I get a LOT of shit for it.
ReplyDeleteI am with mab on this one... i guess thats how i view facebook. The thing is, Jessie, you are totally right about how it is changing the face of sociality. It sucks. I call my friends, i text them, but they dont answer...so i have to resort to facebook. No one does email anymore...letters take longer than facebook most of the time... and when I need to get in touch with someone asap? That sucks, because everyone is so glued to facebook, they dont even care about their phones.
ReplyDeleteOh, and on the subject of PEOPLE SUCKING, yes, i have lost my faith in humanity. Its a little depressing, but its true. Which is another reason to stay off facebook, because even though you are "keeping in touch" with people....like Jessie said, "99.99999999%" of those people could care less if you died. WHATS THE POINT? you think it makes you a better person if you say hi every few months? Its good to catch up with old friends, dont get me wrong, but you would be surprised at how many of those "old friends" and current friends wouldnt feel bad about not coming to your funeral. sorry if this is a little late in the thread here... haha I love you JESS!!!
-Ellie
I love you too, Ellie. And I do miss keeping up with your shinanigans on the 'Book. I really hope you can make it up for my birthday!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I don't have to depend on fb to have you in my life! I have hardly been on fb lately an I really don't miss it (except the scrabble...)
ReplyDeleteI miss Scrabble too. I tried to get it up and running on iGoogle or whatever but I can't make it work. So I play Scrabble with myself on my Kindle.
ReplyDeleteYeah, still in Montana :D
ReplyDeleteI got back from Iraq in February - ish, and have this year + summer+ next fall until I graduate :)
I'm still trying to convince myself to let my BF shut me out of Facebook ... we'll see when I get there.
You can do it!!! It took me forever to actually do it, but once people think you're off and it's out of sight, out of mind, it's SO EASY. Just make sure you have all your ducks in a row - phone numbers, etc.
ReplyDeleteMost people I asked for contact info didn't even bother to tell me, only further indicating how serious they were about our friendship. Be ready for some ugly truth about who your real friends are. For a lot of people, if it's not Facebook, it's not easy, and if it's not easy, they won't bother. It is sobering and no fun but I think it's better than living with some illusion that these people somehow care about you.
I was going to graduate after next fall too - currently working on a new blog post about why that's no longer the case. :-/ It has been quite the ride.
Good luck with school - any future Army endeavors? (I believe that's your branch??) Desired career choices?
And do you LOVE Montana or what??